Some things have changed since I last wrote to you both.
I started a new job at the beginning of March. New adventures with new people, new items to add to my resume, and the bonus being the opportunity to once again work with the best manager I've ever ever had the pleasure of working with. It's been a great change, a great challenge, and an exciting time.
The most profound change for me currently is that my relationship with my favorite weather condition has also changed from a romantic one to a friendship, with bumps along the way as I adjust to a new normal.
It's amazing how much more endeared we become to our parents as we take on experiences similar to those that have similarities to their own. Mom was no stranger to having to assess herself, recognize her own strengths and ensure she was okay on her own after the end of a relationship. I remember trying to provide moral support and advice for her during her lowest lows, when she was sad and questioning whether or not it was her fault and what she could have done differently. I remember throwing some of her own advice back her way, and reminding her that she needed to first be happy and content with herself.
Dad would have had no trouble relating to me if I could call him up and tell him my realization that the only promises that are guaranteed are those we make to ourselves. That sometimes, the things we thought were forever change directions. And sometimes (more times than not, really), these huge, life-altering events change us forever. Sometimes the people we used to know so well don't even recognize us anymore. Sometimes, we don't care enough to notice, because we're just trying to get through another day without falling apart.
Neither of you would bat an eye if I whined and told you how difficult it is to change directions for the future you had envisioned and thought you had perfectly planned out. Neither of you would have had any trouble reminding me that you were both living proof that sometimes people just weren't meant to stay together in romantic relationships forever, and that no matter the outcome, the journey was still worth it and it was still meant to be what it was. For you guys, the proof was in Neal's existence, as well as my own. For my relationship with Stormi, it's in the way she and her family supported me through losing dad.
But sometimes, we just have to trust that things will fall into place and work themselves out the way they're supposed to. Had you guys not ended your marriage, we wouldn't have this incredible other extended family who have offered their support and love through both of these great losses. And I wouldn't have a tangible example of how it's absolutely possible to remain the best of friends after a relationship ends. Because while we change, we usually still leave behind remnants of the people we used to be. There are usually still pieces of us that will always be connected to the pieces of other people. We just have to learn to adjust and to appreciate all that we were able to salvage.
If there's one thing I should have learned from losing two of the most important people on this planet to me, it's that people can be taken from us in an instant. So we'd damn well better be sure we can make it on our own, and that we find the things that make us happy and that make us come alive. Because while other people can be taken from this world in the blink of an eye, so can we.
I want to leave this world like you did, momma. With no regrets, and just love for the people who made this journey all that it was. Because at the end of your days here, when faced with your own mortality, love was the most important thing in the world to you. And when all of us surrounded you in that room, I don't think it mattered how that love was given to you, or how it changed form over the years. All that mattered was that it surrounded you, and that you got to experience it.
